moments of impact: 2012.

This list is a small compilation of moments of impact that happened this year. I tried to write all of them out, but ended up deciding on a few that meant the most to me.

• Became a legal adult :)
• Had the perfect 18th birthday weekend with my best friend
• Pierced my ears for the first time
• Organized an FBLA activity for a region of 100+ high-school students
• Started this blog
• Took runner-up as a Business Sterling Scholar with a close friend
• Went to my fourth and final FBLA State Competition & became the 2012 "Who's Who in FBLA"
• Developed senior-itis
• Went solo to my senior prom
• Performed in my last dance recital with my first solo and a senior trio
• Graduated with the Class of 2012 :)
• Went to FBLA Nationals for a final time in San Antonio
• Visited the town of Blanding for Wheeler's mission farewell
• Spent my last bits of a carefree summer with my favorite people
• Started packing for college (Dixie State in St. George)
• Moved into my apartment; scared out of my mind
• Got my first official job
• Started my first semester of college
• Made a couple new friends
• Lost a couple of friends
• Realized the true meaning of "home"
• Developed a stronger relationship with my parents
• Got my ears pierced for a second time
• Worked for 35+ hours for three weeks straight with a full class schedule
• Quit my job
• Started thinking about transferring schools for next fall
• Made it through finals week
• Came home for the holidays
• Hung out with friends and family; almost made it seem like I never left
• Had a hilarious Christmas cause no one knows what to get each other anymore; which made us all laugh
• Visited my best friend for the first time since August
• Submitted an application to Utah Valley University

time flies.

Remember the good 'ol days when we always said, I can't wait to grow up? Seems like just yesterday there was not a care in the world besides when we would get to play with our best friends again or what toys we were getting for Christmas. If only we had known what growing up was really like, we might not have been so eager to be a big girl/boy.

At least for me, the time to grow up and live on my own always seemed so far off in the distance. However, once it started getting closer, the reality of having to move on hit me when I finally realized I was not as ready to grow up as I always thought. Regardless, continuing on through change and challenges is inevitable and part of human nature. As I have made the adjustment to move away from my family, my small hometown, and the friends who carried me through everything, I have realized one important thing. Time is unstoppable.

"Time is free, but it is priceless. You can not own it, but you can use it. You can not keep it, but you can spend it. & once you have lost it you can never get it back."

The most important thing is how you spend your time, and fill as much time as possible with memories that are unforgettable. Everyone always wants to know how to make time slow down or how to stop aging. & I have found that the secret to these questions is to simply live in every moment. Age is only a number, and one only becomes old when they stop acting like they are young. Seeing as we are nearing the time to make new year's resolutions, this is mine: to stop worrying so much about the past, and to stop pondering for so long over the future. Because time flies way too fast to not stop and simply enjoy today.

self respect.

Respect is something that every person wants or expects. However, being respected by others has seemed to become some-what of a rare happening. Too often we expect to be respected by someone even though we do not follow the "golden rule" ourselves. Many of us have forgotten the most important kind of respect; self respect.

To me, having self respect is knowing who you are and sticking to whatever it is that you believe in. Self respect is putting your foot down when someone treats you in a way that you do not deserve. When people take you for granted, break your heart, step on your dignity, or tear you down in any way, self respect is choosing to walk away. Self respect is knowing that you deserve to be happy, and that happiness is found through staying true to yourself. Too many people have lost respect not only for others, but for themselves as well. It seems as though we expect people to respect us and be true to us; however, if we can not even respect ourselves, why should we expect that from anyone else?

Teach others how to treat you by first treating yourself with respect. If you do not respect yourself, it will be hard to demand that others treat you with respect.

"You should never be surprised when someone treats you with respect, you should expect it because you respect yourself."

- Sarah Dessen

left me hanging.

"Don't leave me hanging" is a common phrase that is used by many people; usually as a joke. However, there are ways that this phrase can be literal. To me, leaving someone hanging means to drop them as a friend, just like that. This literal "hanging" happens to the best of us, and I will never understand how people can throw away friendships and relationships like they meant nothing at all. People who said they would always be there, disappear without a trace. Some quickly, others slowly, but no matter how fast they leave, it does not make it hurt any less.

I do not understand how we can talk to someone about everything, trust them with the biggest pieces of our hearts, and how easily this trust can be taken for granted; or how easily they just move on like it is nothing. I do not understand how easy it is for people to act as though they never needed you to be there in the first place. Knowing that they did not even feel as though you deserved some kind of explanation as to why they stopped talking to you is insulting. In my eyes, silence hurts more than words do, because to me, being silent is a good indicator that I did not even think someone was worth the time to waste words on.

However, this frustration goes both ways. I get so frustrated when I am "left hanging," but I know I have done it to people before too; and I wish I hadn't. Friendships, and any other kind of trusting relationships are so valuable. I am confused as to why we, as people, just take these relationships for granted. Whether someone is ten miles away, or a thousand miles away, there is not an excuse for leaving people hanging like that. How is it that we can forget the satisfying feeling of having someone there, a true friend, just like that?

So here is the thing, I am done letting people do that to me; and I am definitely going to try my hardest to not make someone feel the frustration that I have felt with being left hanging. Once someone is taken for granted, the damage has been done. They will be gone and nothing can be done about it except move on.

"Better realize what you have when you have it, or someone else will."

catching my breath.

Moving away from home has been so much harder than I thought it would be, and I have had a hard time keeping a positive attitude about it. Figuring out who is really there for me and who I am has been difficult. I feel like I have not truly been able to be myself down here. Because of my experience in leadership positions I thought it would be a piece of cake to make friends and find my niche here in St. George. However, I was very wrong.

Kelly Clarkson recently released a song called "Catch My Breath." I listened to it once and I have been hooked ever since. Thinking about the lyrics helped me realize a few things about the time I have spent here. When I first left, I was so scared. Scared that the distance between my family and life-long friends would tear us apart. I thought that moving away would make me happier because back home it started to feel like I had spent a lot of time pleasing other people. Making people happy is something that is truly important to me, but there was a time for a little while that I forgot about taking care of myself. I forgot that if I do not take care of myself, there is no way I could truly help someone else. I have been unhappy for a little while because although I have wanted someone to truly be there for me, I would "turn my cheek for the sake of the show." I was so afraid of someone seeing the vulnerable side.

Except I realized something. I have not taken the time in a while to catch my breath and let it go. Have not taken the time to release the hurt, release the pain, and do what is best for me. No more letting people's harsh words get to me. No more sticking around if I know whatever is holding me back will bring pain; and most importantly, no more being afraid of showing a vulnerable side.

I don't wanna be left behind

Distance was a friend of mine

Catching breath in a web of lies

I've spent most of my life

Riding waves, playing acrobat

Shadowboxing the other half

Learning how to react

I've spent most of my time

Catching my breath, letting it go

Turning my cheek for the sake of the show

Now that you know, this is my life

I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that

Catch my breath, won't let 'em get me down, it's all so simple now

I have started to forget to look for the beauty, for the good things that every person has to offer. I have been so focused on wanting to be home that I have not put a full effort into my new life. Home will always be in my mind, in my heart, but if I am going to make progress here, I have to catch my breath and find the love that home gives me. Find the genuine people that will always be there. When I finally found that love back home, I was the happiest girl alive. It has just taken me a long time to realize that happiness can be found again if I try hard enough.

Addicted to the love I found

Heavy heart, now a weightless cloud

Making time for the ones that count

I'll spend the rest of my time

Laughing hard with the windows down

Leaving footprints all over town

Keeping faith, karma comes around

I won't spend the rest of my life

Catching my breath, letting it go

Turning my cheek for the sake of the show

Now that you know, this is my life

I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that

Catch my breath, won't let 'em get me down, it's all so simple now

You helped me see

The beauty in everything

Catching my breath, letting it go

Turning my cheek for the sake of the show

Now that you know, this is my life

I won't be told what's supposed to be right

Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that

Catch my breath, won't let 'em get me down, it's all so simple now

It's all so simple now

I have realized that I need to take a step back, catch my breath, let go of the sadness, and dive into this new life with more effort than I had before. That does not mean I plan to just let go of everything that has built me up in my life to this point, just that there have been times in my life when I could see beauty in everything, and I want that feeling back. I feel like I lost the girl inside that everyone knew before, and I need that girl back. So, here I go; catching my breath, letting it go.

Kelly Clarkson - "Catch My Breath" Lyric Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS0zMzjAB9A

recovery.

Recovery. The dictionary gives a few different definitions of the word:
1. the regaining of something lost or taken away
2. restoration or return to health from sickness
3. restoration or return to any former and better state of condition

Each definition is completely true; however, what the dictionary fails to define is how hard it is to actually recover from something. Recovery is something that every single person has to go through in their life; however, some roads to recovery may be harder than others, depending on what one is recovering from. No matter what a person is recovering from, the ultimate goal is to leave behind whatever it is/was that caused pain. First glancing at recovery, one might think it would be an easy road. This assumption is not true.

Recovery starts with understanding and recognizing that something needs to change. Coming to the realization that you deserve better than the life you are living at the moment takes a lot of courage for most people, because the majority of people have felt insignificant and "not worth it" at least once in their life. After realizing that one is "worth it" and deserving of happiness, motivation and determination to reach that happiness, follows. All of these realizations and gaining motivation are the easy part. Actually moving on is where most of us falter.

In order to fully recover, one must cut out everyone/everything that has caused them pain and/or unhappiness; or, move on. Letting go of people who you might have once thought you could count on is easier said than done, even if you know that all they do is cause pain now. However, it is completely necessary to fully recover. Moving on never becomes easier, no matter how many times you have to do it.

I have been recovering from a lot of things, and I have been happier as I have made the effort to release everything that causes me pain. Although the initial release is hard, it ends up being worth it. Sometimes it is hard to know which things/people are only hurting, and that is why moving on is so hard. The road to recovery is long, but always worth it; no matter what you need to recover from.

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hold on to the past is holding you back from a new life."

home.

Growing up, I never really considered the true meaning of home. To me, home was always just the house I lived in. I thought that when I left home, the new place I lived in would automatically become home. However, after I moved out I realized this way of thinking was not true at all. Home is not only where you live, but as the old saying goes, "where the heart is." Home is where one can feel completely at peace, or in other words, completely happy; regardless of what kind of situations are surrounding us.

Feeling at peace is something that every person in this world is striving to feel, and it is interesting to me that this feeling of peace is right in front of our noses; at home. I feel lucky to know that I have finally figured out what being home means to me.

Being home means being around those people who show me that they will always be there; no matter the distance. Home is being able to sit around and do nothing, but because I am with those people, that feeling of peace overwhelms me. Knowing that I will always have people that are my "constants," makes me know that I can always find my way back to them, back to this home. No matter where my life takes me, those people who make an effort to stay a part in my life will always be home to me, and I know that I am very lucky to have this. No matter how hard it is to be away from my physical home, I know I will always have a place in their hearts; a place at home. My only hope is that they can see the place that they will always hold in my heart as well; home.

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."

finding my own way.

St. George is slowly starting to feel more comfortable to me. Finding my way around the campus and town, getting a job, and talking with the roommates has definitely helped. At first, I thought all five of the roommates were completely composed and collected about this whole moving away thing, but last night I learned that we have all been struggling with not feeling at home. Knowing that alone, helped immensely. I know that if anything bad ever happens, my friends back home will always be there for me, and I have a job that will guarantee that I have breaks off the same time school does so I can go home during those times.

I know it is still going to be very hard at times, but right now I feel like I can make this work. Somehow I will figure out how to balance school, work, fitness, and friends; all the while making these next few years be the times where I have some of my favorite memories, my moments of impact. It is always scary to step so far out of my comfort zone that I immediately want to turn around and go back home, but giant steps like these are so important if any progress is to be made. I am just glad to say that I took a risk and jumped, even when I feel like running straight home sometimes. It is only the beginning of this journey, but I know in the long run it will be what is best for me.

moving out.

I never thought I would be so scared to move out. The reality of it hit me last night when I was trying to fall asleep. It is so weird to me that I am leaving the town I was born in and the house I grew up in. I have so many mixed emotions for this. I am scared, excited, happy, and sad all at the same time. Leaving my parent's house where the majority of things are taken for granted makes me a little nervous. Leaving my best friends freaks me out more than I would like to admit, because I am not sure how I will find people as genuine as they are, who will be there for me in the way that they are.

However, I know it is time to go. As much as I want to run back inside my house and live there until I am thirty, I know I need to do this. To learn for myself how much I have taken things for granted, and to figure out who I am and become the person that I want to be. I can not believe it is already time for me to go to college and decide what to do with the rest of my life. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting around wishing it was time for this, and now it has hit me like a brick. The whole thing became more real when I started pulling out the packing boxes and stripping my room. I feel pretty unsure of myself, so I guess I am just going to jump into this, full steam ahead, and give it my best. Wish me luck! :)

high on summer time.

Summer; the time of year when cares are reduced to a minimum, friendships grow stronger, and memories are made. It is a time when we can be rejuvenated from a year in school, business, etc. We get enough sun and fresh air to last for the upcoming year, and most importantly we strengthen the relationships that matter the most to us. 

I have always loved summer and everything about it. I guess you could say I get a little "high on summer time." Everything about it makes me smile. Sleeping in until noon, waking up early to go to the lake, staying out late with the best friends (sometimes doing nothing at all), the "heart to hearts" I have with those who are closest to me, never having my days go as planned, and of course laying out to get that perfect tan. Every summer is memorable. Each one has different memories that I will cherish forever. Trips that I went on, friends that I made/lost, and the inside jokes that still make me laugh. However, although it is not quite over yet, this summer has already had it's moment of impact on me.

This summer is the last summer before I move out on my own. That, in and of itself is something that I will remember for the rest of my life, as well as all of the mixed emotions that are coming with it. Excitement, fear, joy, and bitter-sweetness. Most of all though, this summer has been so memorable because of the people. There is nothing better than realizing who is truly there for me, who I know I can count on no matter what. Hearing someone say, I love you, and truly meaning it, will always bring a smile to my face and gratefulness in my heart no matter who says it. Especially because it has been a long time since I have let myself get close enough to people to cause them or myself feel that way in the first place. I have always been such a guarded person, and I still am. However, in a process of "healing," so to speak, it has been a struggle to let people in and love/be loved.

& so, these friendships and exchanged love have been what has caused a moment of impact this summer. These experiences have made my last summer at home memorable. I can not imagine where I would be in my life without these people and the memories that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I can only hope that I will never forget the influence love can have on other people and me, and bring this feeling with me wherever I go.

smiling.

Smile:
n. 1. a pleasant or agreeable appearance, look, or aspect
v. 1. to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement; characterized by an upturning of the corners of the mouth

Smiling, we all do it. Some more than others, and sometimes not enough. It is interesting how a simple smile has the power to heal; to heal yourself, to heal others. When we forget to smile, the whole world seems a little bit darker. We fail to see the little things that make life so much more enjoyable. On the days when a smile is hard to find, sometimes others find it for us by showing us laughter. I know that when I am having trouble finding a smile, it means the world to me when someone else helps me find it, and I am sure everyone has felt that way before. I figure the least I can do is return the favor.

“ Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” 

― Mother Teresa

Our supply of smiles is unlimited, even when it feels like it is empty. Sometimes our joy is the source of our smiles, but sometimes our smiles can be the source of our joy. It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime. We should all smile more often :)

marks.

At the beginning of high school, I always told myself that one day I was going to make a mark on people; that I was going to influence them for good, and be the best I could be. For the most part, I feel that I have tried my best to fulfill those statements. However, I never would have guessed that there would be people in my life that would leave marks on me that I would have never imagined possible. I knew people would make an influence on me, but never how deep their marks could go.

The friendships that I have made have always started with kind words from myself or the other person. Connections were made with people that I knew would be there for me and who I could relate with and understand. People that I could laugh with, cry with, fight with, but yet grow closer through every smile, heartbreak, and tear. As these friendships develop and wane, I have always felt that they come and go at such perfect times in my life, making these people influence me. What I never would have considered was the question, "What if they left when I was not expecting it, when I was not ready for it?" But lately, that is a question I have been struggling to find resolution with. 

As fast as friendships can develop and grow, they can also wane and fall apart. Until recently, I have not truly understood the true meaning of losing a friendship that does not feel like it is meant to go yet. A friendship that developed unexpectedly and became a friendship that I hold a very high place for in my heart. A friendship that fought through every hard time, every misunderstanding. A friendship that even through those misunderstandings, still had the one huge understanding that I would always have a true friend in this person, and them in me.

The marks that this friendship will leave on me are endless, and every day I notice another mark that will be left by this person. This person pushed me to think outside of the box, and to not accept anything less than exactly what I deserved; which, in their book was the best, and only the best. Tore down my pride in order to show me how to be humble. Listened to every problem, even the ones that seem completely insignificant now that I think about them. Someone who, although far away, I knew that they would be there in a second if I needed it. I only wish that I could have had the same influence, the same impact, on them as they did on me. This person showed me how much I do not know, not with the incentive to tear me down, but to push me out of my comfort zone and discover something truly amazing. 

This friendship has marked me for the rest of my life. For the past few months, it has slowly been slipping away, and I wish I could do something to bring it back. Maybe one day I will figure out how, but as of right now, I am doing my best to truly understand everything this person has taught me, and become a better person because of it. I know that this person would want me to not "cry because its over, but smile because it happened." So, that is just what I am trying my best to do. I would not stop fighting for this friendship even if they asked me to, and I still am, I am just not exactly ready to face the feeling that is inevitable if this friendship is lost.

"Build a bridge and watch it burn. Go out of your way and end up on the same path. Turn in a circle while time progresses. Try to make progress but time runs in circles. Build something with no intent to keep it. Break something even though you know you need it. Never good enough and always too much. Chasing the future as the past is haunting. Up is down, and left is right. Good is gone, and wrong is forgotten. Life will fall apart while the rest is put together. Keep walking, or watch it burn. Let it be heaven or hell, the paths will converge at the point of separation, and the dead will bring back the life we've lost."

fragile.

It is so strange to me how fragile everything can be. Friendships, relationships, trust, love, hate, respect, etc. We can spend such a long time focusing on these things; building them up into what we think could be the strongest possible wall known to man, when in reality, all it takes is a single tap, one little pebble thrown at it and it can be knocked all the way to the ground. Granted, sometimes these walls are as strong as we make them out to be, but there is always an Achilles Heel, a weak spot that could make everything fall.

Friendships can be lost over one little event. One thing that sparks a flame and hits a weak spot on both sides. Trust is broken when the completely unexpected, comes from those people you thought would never hurt you. Respect can deteriorate with one simple word, one simple phrase from who you thought would not stoop that low.

These events, these pebbles that are thrown at our weak spots can help create feelings of bitterness, of hate. But even those emotions are fragile. Bitterness is broken down when a pebble of gratefulness hits a weak spot. Hate is taken away with a simple act of kindness, an act of love. Everything we know is fragile. But one day, these fragile walls that have fallen can build themselves back up again. Over time we become strong again, strong enough to know that because everything is so fragile, nothing should be taken for granted.

seeing both sides.

I have always been the type of person to look at both sides of a situation or argument before making a decision. Especially when that decision is going to affect someone other than me. However, I am not as good at making other people hear me and see my side. I make it clear that I understand their side, but it usually takes a lot more to get them to understand mine.

I think that people have a hard time seeing a side other than their own because the majority of people look out for #1 (themselves). Obviously just like anything else, there are exceptions to that majority. Sometimes we do not look at both sides because we are worried about how the outcome might change if we do. Other times its because we are so busy pushing our opinion on others that we do not even hear what they have to say.

It can be especially frustrating when you are the one that is not being heard.

This frustration starts when you are talking to someone and you can tell that they are not even listening. Eventually, they start to converse back, and all of a sudden it is completely vital that you have to listen to every word they say, even though your words went right through them. Sometimes you talk back and do the very best you can to make them hear you. Other times you just give up and let them walk all over you. However, we must remember how important it is to be heard. Though at times it seems like it would be easier to just give up on getting your voice out, the regrets from not saying everything you needed to say can break you down.

Seeing both sides can be challenging at times, but it is something that is very important when it comes to friendships/any relationships. Be heard, and hear other people, because you never know how important it might be to them. The moment of understanding each other might just become a moment of impact for one or both of you.

"See my side, and I'll see yours better. Love me back, and I'll love you better."

- Jordin Sparks; "See My Side"

cheers to teenage years.

Just last week, my friends and I finally graduated from high school. We smiled, we laughed, and of course; cried. Finishing high school is a huge part of our lives, and it is strange to think that we are old enough to start moving out on our own and deciding what to do with our futures. The feeling of having to say goodbye to the "best years of our lives" is bittersweet, but from my point of view, it isn't really a true goodbye unless we make it one. Why? Because the "best years of our lives" are not defined by being enrolled in high school. The best years are defined by the memories we make, the times when we don't listen to our parents, the friendships we lose and create, the knowledge we gain, and who we strive to become. In other words, the best years are the years that define us the most.

So... this is a tribute to our teenage years; the best years of our lives. Being a teenager is hard. Harder than some people can imagine, and harder than some people can remember; however, being a teenager also means being a fighter through the hard times. Teenage years are the years we couldn't forget even if we wanted to. The years where we don't have any regrets because we give it everything we've got. Because for us, it's always been all or nothing. The moments seemed to last forever, but when we look back, they went by so fast.

Being a teenager is thinking I'm so in love, and getting our hearts broken; but bouncing back from the disappointments and being stronger than we were before. It's talking on the phone for hours with our best friends, being guilty when we're innocent, and standing out while striving to fit in. It's when we have a million questions that might not be answered. All the while, being a teenager is something that can't really be described except by those that are living it at the time. Everyone has their group of friends, their group of "enemies," but in the end, as teenagers we will always stand together. 

Being a teenager is when we feel everything at once. When we're "in love," we're really in love. When we "hate" someone, we despise them. When we're "lonely," we're miserable. Teenage years are when we go with the flow, and laugh more than we cry. When we burst out of our comfort zones and dare to face the things that scare us. It's the best and worst years of our lives.

Most importantly, being a teenager isn't anything, it's everything. Not a big deal, but a huge deal. These are the years that shape us into who we are. It's the time of many of our BIGGEST moments of impact in our lives. So, cheers to the teenage years. Cherish them, love them, and take a risk, because this is the one chance, the one time we'll be young, free, and careless; as teenagers usually are.

 

first impressions.

This is just a letter I wrote to someone that was feeling down about things people were saying about them. Sometimes people don't realize what kind of an effect words can have on others, and I hate to see people feeling bad about the things we, as human beings, say without thinking.

"First impressions can mean everything, but they can also have no meaning at all. People formulate full opinions of someone without knowing them at all. I'm not saying I'm exempt from this because we all do it. What I want you to know is that these first impressions should not bring you down. Words can be harsh, but just remember that no matter what people say about you, they don't truly know what kind of a person you are.

They will never know unless they take the time to figure it out and get to know you themselves. If the opportunity arises and they do get to know you and decide they don't like you, do not let it bring you down. If your personality is not one that they normally get along with and they don't want to take the time to try, then it becomes their problem, not yours.

Accept yourself, and always be yourself, and I promise it will take you farther in life than the judgements people make."

natural highs.

Natural High:

1. n. a euphoric or excited state of mind that is not due to ingestion of drugs or another substance

2. n. a period of excitement or exhilaration brought on by a natural cause

Spring is one of my favorite times of the year because to me it seems like a new beginning. Almost like breath of fresh air that allows me to step back and notice the moments that create joy in my life; or in other words, a natural high. These moments that create natural highs usually happen when they are least expected, and usually most needed. So, I compiled a list of things that I am thankful for because they are the generators of these natural highs that can end up being the most meaningful things in life:

• the smell of rain
• big hugs
• getting a tan
• being able to laugh through the tears
• having my hair played with
• playing in the rain
• sleeping in
• the perfect dream
• the moment when I nail a part in a dance I've been struggling with
• looking at old pictures/videos
• singing to my favorite song
• talking to someone I haven't seen in a while
• dancing in the moonlight
• girl's nights out
• seeing the results of hard work
• accomplishing a big goal I've set
• making people's frowns turn upside down
• staying true to myself no matter what
• going for a jog & finishing strong
• words of appreciation from people I associate with every day
• laughing so hard that it seems I might uncover some abs
• running through the sprinklers
• making a big decision on my own
• watching a chick flick
• making a difference in someone's life
• feeling a connection with someone I just met 

the cure.

Being in various leadership positions, I have been told over and over again that attitude is something that can cause you to be highly successful or highly unsuccessful. Through my experiences, I have found this to be true. Whenever I have a smiling face and a positive attitude, my day is 100% better than when I'm not smiling. For the past year, I have made a goal to put everything behind me that has made me upset. This goal is something that I strive for every day, and for the most part I am able to go to bed and be happy with how I faced that day. However, as a human being, I sometimes falter with keeping a positive attitude and a happy face. Today has been one of those days where I have struggled a bit.

As of right now, my graduation day is 35 days away. Approximately 18 of those days are school days. Because I am so close to starting a new chapter in my life, the days are dragging by. Today, I was in a pretty ornery mood. I wasn't as outspoken as I usually am, and people I normally say "hi" to and make them laugh were disappointed because I didn't stop by. When this disappointment was brought to my attention, I had a horrible feeling. I wanted to bring my smile back and leave people laughing, but I had a hard time fixing my attitude. Luckily, after taking a break today I found a cure for this attitude of mine.

I realized that sometimes I take things for granted. I forget that there are so many people around me who could use some kind of a "pick-me-up" every day. It made me sad to think that my bad moods are because I am so focused on a day that is 35 nights away, instead of focusing on today. My cure for these bad moods is to focus on each moment at hand. To realize that there is probably someone in my world that is having a worse day than me. My cure is to throw away my bad attitude, and to help others throw theirs away too. My goal a year ago was to leave people better than I found them, I just seemed to forget about that for a little while.

tears of happiness.

As human beings, we search for happiness everywhere. Sometimes it takes a moment of impact to bring out that happiness, and the biggest moment of impact for my last year of high school, brought on the tears of happiness. This moment of impact started with a simple goal. A goal that when glanced at, seemed impossible at first. A goal that pushed me to my limits, and sometimes made me want to give up on it altogether. As I achieved this goal, the rewards were small. But on my journey toward fully completing this goal, I made a decision. My decision was that if accomplishing this goal brought success, all of the frustrations would be worth it. I never knew how completely wrong I could be.

Not only was the achievement of this goal worth it, but this achievement helped me see exactly what I could do if I set my mind to it. It showed me that the possibilities of my progression and success, are truly achievable. It showed me that no matter what I want to accomplish in my life, it is possible.

Today, I won the award of "Who's Who in FBLA" at my very last FBLA spring conference. The awards were announced from the lowest ranking of the top ten, to the highest. As names started being called, I could feel my success getting closer. Although the reading of the names and passing out of certificates probably only lasted for 3 minutes, my heart beat was beating 100 miles per hour, and the wait between each name felt as though it was taking an hour. Soon, only the top two were left on the stage, and I was one of them. In my brain, I convinced myself that my name would be read next, and that the person standing next to me would take first. And then, something I thought might never happen... the name was called, and... it wasn't mine. I was the last person remaining on the stage.

In my mind, the actions I took occurred in slow motion. The moment I realized that I had won, my hands flew up to my face. I could feel a burning behind my eyes, and I knew the tears were coming. "With outstanding performance in the Who's Who in FBLA competition, Maya Hoyt, will represent Utah at the National Leadership Conference." My state adviser was holding my certificate and trophy, and as we hugged on stage I thought I might explode with happiness. I walked off the stage and straight into the arms of the state officers that I have grown to love and adore over the past year. Tears were falling harder, but they were tears of happiness.

Never have I ever, cried because I was feeling so happy. All the work I have put in to accomplishing my goal of receiving this award paid off. The feeling I felt on that stage today was by far, the best feeling I have ever had in my life so far. The feeling of knowing that my efforts can and will make a difference, brings strength back to me that I thought I had lost. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would break off from the norm, prove every single person who ever told me I couldn't do something, wrong (including myself). Today, that promise was renewed and kept, and I can not wait to see the next moment of impact that will happen in my life.

moments of impact.

Because of the buzz of the release of "The Vow," I ended up watching the movie twice with different sets of friends. Something that really stuck out to me about that movie was Leo's theory:

"My theory is about moments, moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known. And it’s these moments that become our history. Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again."

As various events and experiences have been unfolding in my life, my mind keeps wandering to this theory of moments of impact. These moments appear in many different forms. They bring happiness, sadness, laughter, and satisfaction. The outcome of these moments is not easily predicted, and even when we think we know the outcome, the moment turns in a direction we never expected. A direction that, in the end, shows us a little bit more of the craziness that is life.

Recently, my moment of impact has been about small successes. Successes that are so satisfying, that even after a thousand fails, these little successes make everything completely worth it. Giving something/someone everything you have to give, and not seeing results becomes frustrating and heartbreaking; sometimes makes it hard to see a point in trying any longer. But then, when we least expect it, there is a breakthrough, a moment of impact. A moment that brings a realization that is just enough to keep trying. To keep giving everything your very best shot, even if it means failure.

These small moments, breakthroughs, bring the greatest joy. The little moments that many people overlook because we focus too much on the big things. There is no greater pleasure in my life than knowing that giving my very best can/will bring those small successes, those moments of impact.

"Life doesn't reciprocate. Everything is out of balance, and that's what makes it so stable and yet, so unstable at the same time. It isn't important what the world gives and does to you. What matters is what you do in return."

change.

Change:
1. n. to become different, altered, or modified
2. v. to transform

Change is an interesting aspect of our lives... some people are afraid of change, some embrace it, & some just take it as it comes. The funny thing is, our lives are constantly changing, transforming, evolving, and shaping themselves, and most of the time we don't even notice. Sometimes these little transformations happen fast, other times they happen slow, and sometimes we are so ready for those changes that we feel as though they are just around the corner.

Whether we're ready for it or not, so many things in our lives will always be changing; to shape us, push us to our limits, force us out of our comfort zones, and make us happier in the long run. Changes do not come to hurt us, hinder our abilities, or take away the very things that bring happiness. Overall, these changes are just a stepping stone that show us our true potential for everything that lies ahead.

fearless♥

With a few recent events in my life, I've been pushed to consider the definition of being "fearless." I think this is the best definition I've ever seen by far:

FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again, even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. It’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. Loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. Allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright, that’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after.

Love is FEARLESS.

live.laugh.love

Hey all you bloggers,

This is my first blog, so I figured I'd just write a little something about me for this one :) My name is Maya, I am 18 years old. I love to laugh, dance, and meet new people. I believe that people take life far too seriously sometimes, and that laughter is truly the best medicine. Nothing beats the feeling of knowing that I made someone smile :)

& last, but not least: one day, I am going to travel to Senegal, Africa so I can do volunteer work with orphans. Definitely my biggest goal of life (so far).

Love always,

- Maya