tears of happiness.

As human beings, we search for happiness everywhere. Sometimes it takes a moment of impact to bring out that happiness, and the biggest moment of impact for my last year of high school, brought on the tears of happiness. This moment of impact started with a simple goal. A goal that when glanced at, seemed impossible at first. A goal that pushed me to my limits, and sometimes made me want to give up on it altogether. As I achieved this goal, the rewards were small. But on my journey toward fully completing this goal, I made a decision. My decision was that if accomplishing this goal brought success, all of the frustrations would be worth it. I never knew how completely wrong I could be.

Not only was the achievement of this goal worth it, but this achievement helped me see exactly what I could do if I set my mind to it. It showed me that the possibilities of my progression and success, are truly achievable. It showed me that no matter what I want to accomplish in my life, it is possible.

Today, I won the award of "Who's Who in FBLA" at my very last FBLA spring conference. The awards were announced from the lowest ranking of the top ten, to the highest. As names started being called, I could feel my success getting closer. Although the reading of the names and passing out of certificates probably only lasted for 3 minutes, my heart beat was beating 100 miles per hour, and the wait between each name felt as though it was taking an hour. Soon, only the top two were left on the stage, and I was one of them. In my brain, I convinced myself that my name would be read next, and that the person standing next to me would take first. And then, something I thought might never happen... the name was called, and... it wasn't mine. I was the last person remaining on the stage.

In my mind, the actions I took occurred in slow motion. The moment I realized that I had won, my hands flew up to my face. I could feel a burning behind my eyes, and I knew the tears were coming. "With outstanding performance in the Who's Who in FBLA competition, Maya Hoyt, will represent Utah at the National Leadership Conference." My state adviser was holding my certificate and trophy, and as we hugged on stage I thought I might explode with happiness. I walked off the stage and straight into the arms of the state officers that I have grown to love and adore over the past year. Tears were falling harder, but they were tears of happiness.

Never have I ever, cried because I was feeling so happy. All the work I have put in to accomplishing my goal of receiving this award paid off. The feeling I felt on that stage today was by far, the best feeling I have ever had in my life so far. The feeling of knowing that my efforts can and will make a difference, brings strength back to me that I thought I had lost. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would break off from the norm, prove every single person who ever told me I couldn't do something, wrong (including myself). Today, that promise was renewed and kept, and I can not wait to see the next moment of impact that will happen in my life.

moments of impact.

Because of the buzz of the release of "The Vow," I ended up watching the movie twice with different sets of friends. Something that really stuck out to me about that movie was Leo's theory:

"My theory is about moments, moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known. And it’s these moments that become our history. Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again."

As various events and experiences have been unfolding in my life, my mind keeps wandering to this theory of moments of impact. These moments appear in many different forms. They bring happiness, sadness, laughter, and satisfaction. The outcome of these moments is not easily predicted, and even when we think we know the outcome, the moment turns in a direction we never expected. A direction that, in the end, shows us a little bit more of the craziness that is life.

Recently, my moment of impact has been about small successes. Successes that are so satisfying, that even after a thousand fails, these little successes make everything completely worth it. Giving something/someone everything you have to give, and not seeing results becomes frustrating and heartbreaking; sometimes makes it hard to see a point in trying any longer. But then, when we least expect it, there is a breakthrough, a moment of impact. A moment that brings a realization that is just enough to keep trying. To keep giving everything your very best shot, even if it means failure.

These small moments, breakthroughs, bring the greatest joy. The little moments that many people overlook because we focus too much on the big things. There is no greater pleasure in my life than knowing that giving my very best can/will bring those small successes, those moments of impact.

"Life doesn't reciprocate. Everything is out of balance, and that's what makes it so stable and yet, so unstable at the same time. It isn't important what the world gives and does to you. What matters is what you do in return."

change.

Change:
1. n. to become different, altered, or modified
2. v. to transform

Change is an interesting aspect of our lives... some people are afraid of change, some embrace it, & some just take it as it comes. The funny thing is, our lives are constantly changing, transforming, evolving, and shaping themselves, and most of the time we don't even notice. Sometimes these little transformations happen fast, other times they happen slow, and sometimes we are so ready for those changes that we feel as though they are just around the corner.

Whether we're ready for it or not, so many things in our lives will always be changing; to shape us, push us to our limits, force us out of our comfort zones, and make us happier in the long run. Changes do not come to hurt us, hinder our abilities, or take away the very things that bring happiness. Overall, these changes are just a stepping stone that show us our true potential for everything that lies ahead.

fearless♥

With a few recent events in my life, I've been pushed to consider the definition of being "fearless." I think this is the best definition I've ever seen by far:

FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again, even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. It’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. Loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. Allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright, that’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after.

Love is FEARLESS.