high on summer time.

Summer; the time of year when cares are reduced to a minimum, friendships grow stronger, and memories are made. It is a time when we can be rejuvenated from a year in school, business, etc. We get enough sun and fresh air to last for the upcoming year, and most importantly we strengthen the relationships that matter the most to us. 

I have always loved summer and everything about it. I guess you could say I get a little "high on summer time." Everything about it makes me smile. Sleeping in until noon, waking up early to go to the lake, staying out late with the best friends (sometimes doing nothing at all), the "heart to hearts" I have with those who are closest to me, never having my days go as planned, and of course laying out to get that perfect tan. Every summer is memorable. Each one has different memories that I will cherish forever. Trips that I went on, friends that I made/lost, and the inside jokes that still make me laugh. However, although it is not quite over yet, this summer has already had it's moment of impact on me.

This summer is the last summer before I move out on my own. That, in and of itself is something that I will remember for the rest of my life, as well as all of the mixed emotions that are coming with it. Excitement, fear, joy, and bitter-sweetness. Most of all though, this summer has been so memorable because of the people. There is nothing better than realizing who is truly there for me, who I know I can count on no matter what. Hearing someone say, I love you, and truly meaning it, will always bring a smile to my face and gratefulness in my heart no matter who says it. Especially because it has been a long time since I have let myself get close enough to people to cause them or myself feel that way in the first place. I have always been such a guarded person, and I still am. However, in a process of "healing," so to speak, it has been a struggle to let people in and love/be loved.

& so, these friendships and exchanged love have been what has caused a moment of impact this summer. These experiences have made my last summer at home memorable. I can not imagine where I would be in my life without these people and the memories that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I can only hope that I will never forget the influence love can have on other people and me, and bring this feeling with me wherever I go.

smiling.

Smile:
n. 1. a pleasant or agreeable appearance, look, or aspect
v. 1. to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement; characterized by an upturning of the corners of the mouth

Smiling, we all do it. Some more than others, and sometimes not enough. It is interesting how a simple smile has the power to heal; to heal yourself, to heal others. When we forget to smile, the whole world seems a little bit darker. We fail to see the little things that make life so much more enjoyable. On the days when a smile is hard to find, sometimes others find it for us by showing us laughter. I know that when I am having trouble finding a smile, it means the world to me when someone else helps me find it, and I am sure everyone has felt that way before. I figure the least I can do is return the favor.

“ Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” 

― Mother Teresa

Our supply of smiles is unlimited, even when it feels like it is empty. Sometimes our joy is the source of our smiles, but sometimes our smiles can be the source of our joy. It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime. We should all smile more often :)

marks.

At the beginning of high school, I always told myself that one day I was going to make a mark on people; that I was going to influence them for good, and be the best I could be. For the most part, I feel that I have tried my best to fulfill those statements. However, I never would have guessed that there would be people in my life that would leave marks on me that I would have never imagined possible. I knew people would make an influence on me, but never how deep their marks could go.

The friendships that I have made have always started with kind words from myself or the other person. Connections were made with people that I knew would be there for me and who I could relate with and understand. People that I could laugh with, cry with, fight with, but yet grow closer through every smile, heartbreak, and tear. As these friendships develop and wane, I have always felt that they come and go at such perfect times in my life, making these people influence me. What I never would have considered was the question, "What if they left when I was not expecting it, when I was not ready for it?" But lately, that is a question I have been struggling to find resolution with. 

As fast as friendships can develop and grow, they can also wane and fall apart. Until recently, I have not truly understood the true meaning of losing a friendship that does not feel like it is meant to go yet. A friendship that developed unexpectedly and became a friendship that I hold a very high place for in my heart. A friendship that fought through every hard time, every misunderstanding. A friendship that even through those misunderstandings, still had the one huge understanding that I would always have a true friend in this person, and them in me.

The marks that this friendship will leave on me are endless, and every day I notice another mark that will be left by this person. This person pushed me to think outside of the box, and to not accept anything less than exactly what I deserved; which, in their book was the best, and only the best. Tore down my pride in order to show me how to be humble. Listened to every problem, even the ones that seem completely insignificant now that I think about them. Someone who, although far away, I knew that they would be there in a second if I needed it. I only wish that I could have had the same influence, the same impact, on them as they did on me. This person showed me how much I do not know, not with the incentive to tear me down, but to push me out of my comfort zone and discover something truly amazing. 

This friendship has marked me for the rest of my life. For the past few months, it has slowly been slipping away, and I wish I could do something to bring it back. Maybe one day I will figure out how, but as of right now, I am doing my best to truly understand everything this person has taught me, and become a better person because of it. I know that this person would want me to not "cry because its over, but smile because it happened." So, that is just what I am trying my best to do. I would not stop fighting for this friendship even if they asked me to, and I still am, I am just not exactly ready to face the feeling that is inevitable if this friendship is lost.

"Build a bridge and watch it burn. Go out of your way and end up on the same path. Turn in a circle while time progresses. Try to make progress but time runs in circles. Build something with no intent to keep it. Break something even though you know you need it. Never good enough and always too much. Chasing the future as the past is haunting. Up is down, and left is right. Good is gone, and wrong is forgotten. Life will fall apart while the rest is put together. Keep walking, or watch it burn. Let it be heaven or hell, the paths will converge at the point of separation, and the dead will bring back the life we've lost."