marks.

At the beginning of high school, I always told myself that one day I was going to make a mark on people; that I was going to influence them for good, and be the best I could be. For the most part, I feel that I have tried my best to fulfill those statements. However, I never would have guessed that there would be people in my life that would leave marks on me that I would have never imagined possible. I knew people would make an influence on me, but never how deep their marks could go.

The friendships that I have made have always started with kind words from myself or the other person. Connections were made with people that I knew would be there for me and who I could relate with and understand. People that I could laugh with, cry with, fight with, but yet grow closer through every smile, heartbreak, and tear. As these friendships develop and wane, I have always felt that they come and go at such perfect times in my life, making these people influence me. What I never would have considered was the question, "What if they left when I was not expecting it, when I was not ready for it?" But lately, that is a question I have been struggling to find resolution with. 

As fast as friendships can develop and grow, they can also wane and fall apart. Until recently, I have not truly understood the true meaning of losing a friendship that does not feel like it is meant to go yet. A friendship that developed unexpectedly and became a friendship that I hold a very high place for in my heart. A friendship that fought through every hard time, every misunderstanding. A friendship that even through those misunderstandings, still had the one huge understanding that I would always have a true friend in this person, and them in me.

The marks that this friendship will leave on me are endless, and every day I notice another mark that will be left by this person. This person pushed me to think outside of the box, and to not accept anything less than exactly what I deserved; which, in their book was the best, and only the best. Tore down my pride in order to show me how to be humble. Listened to every problem, even the ones that seem completely insignificant now that I think about them. Someone who, although far away, I knew that they would be there in a second if I needed it. I only wish that I could have had the same influence, the same impact, on them as they did on me. This person showed me how much I do not know, not with the incentive to tear me down, but to push me out of my comfort zone and discover something truly amazing. 

This friendship has marked me for the rest of my life. For the past few months, it has slowly been slipping away, and I wish I could do something to bring it back. Maybe one day I will figure out how, but as of right now, I am doing my best to truly understand everything this person has taught me, and become a better person because of it. I know that this person would want me to not "cry because its over, but smile because it happened." So, that is just what I am trying my best to do. I would not stop fighting for this friendship even if they asked me to, and I still am, I am just not exactly ready to face the feeling that is inevitable if this friendship is lost.

"Build a bridge and watch it burn. Go out of your way and end up on the same path. Turn in a circle while time progresses. Try to make progress but time runs in circles. Build something with no intent to keep it. Break something even though you know you need it. Never good enough and always too much. Chasing the future as the past is haunting. Up is down, and left is right. Good is gone, and wrong is forgotten. Life will fall apart while the rest is put together. Keep walking, or watch it burn. Let it be heaven or hell, the paths will converge at the point of separation, and the dead will bring back the life we've lost."