My definition of "Demons":
An experience or feeling that brings pain and/or one feels ashamed or scared of.
These past few months have been some of the longest I have ever faced. Coming home and being around the people I love has helped me to recuperate, as well as put everything I have been going through into perspective. One day, my friends and I went for a short road trip, and I was introduced to a song called "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Music has always been a big part of my life, and this song describes just a small piece of all the thoughts I have been having for a while.
Experiencing life on my own has been harder than I would have ever imagined. Everything seemed like it was falling apart for a while. I lost the drive, the motivation, the happiness, and the love of life that I had. I lost myself, and when I looked around at everyone around me, it seemed as though everything was perfect for them. They seemed to be "made of gold." My prior thoughts and dreams of how my first year on my own was going to be were wrong. I felt like a failure.
When the days are cold, and the cards all fold
And the saints we see, are all made of gold
When your dreams all fail, and the ones we hail
Are the worst of all, and the blood’s run stale
I want to hide the truth, I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come
Chorus:
When you feel my heat, look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide
Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide
I felt like I had no one to talk to. I felt like I needed to hide the truth of how hard everything really was. Hiding from the truth only lasted for a little while, and eventually my "demons" started to show a little more. People started to notice, but I was too stubborn to let them really see how much I was letting myself go.
I thought that if I let someone in and let them talk to me, let them help me, they would judge me. I made a mess of myself. However, I did something that I have not done in a long time. I let someone in before I came home. I let this person in and they ended up breaking my trust, breaking my heart; only adding to the "demons" I already had.
When the curtain’s call, is the last of all
When the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl
So they dug your grave, and the masquerade
Will come calling out, at the mess you made
Don’t want to let you down, but I am hell bound
Though this is all for you, don’t want to hide the truth
No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come
(Chorus)
They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright, I want to save their light
I can't escape this now, unless you show me how
(Chorus)
When I came home this month, I held everything in again out of fear. Everyone is so used to seeing the laid-back, happy girl who truly believes that laughter is the best medicine for everything, that I was not sure they would know how to react to this darker side. I planned to keep everything hidden until I hit a breaking point, and I finally allowed the people who have been there for me this whole time to be there like they were before I left.
They showed me all the happiness I left behind without even knowing. I have had so much anger and sadness "woven in my soul" for too long, and I know the time to let it go is now. After disappointing myself and hiding my "demons," I am ready to save the light that I used to see in myself every day. I was strong once, and I know if I make it through this process of letting go like I have before, I can find the happy girl I was before. If I can find her again, maybe leaving my hometown for the second time this fall will not be nearly as hard as it was a year ago.
They showed me all the happiness I left behind without even knowing. I have had so much anger and sadness "woven in my soul" for too long, and I know the time to let it go is now. After disappointing myself and hiding my "demons," I am ready to save the light that I used to see in myself every day. I was strong once, and I know if I make it through this process of letting go like I have before, I can find the happy girl I was before. If I can find her again, maybe leaving my hometown for the second time this fall will not be nearly as hard as it was a year ago.
Imagine Dragons - "Demons" Music Video
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