my sweet grandma.

This past month or so, my sweet Grandma Bunnell has been on my mind every single day. Grandma lived a fulfilling life, and I knew I would have to say goodbye sooner or later, I just had no idea it would be at the start of this year. When I found out she was about to go I was in shock. The last time I had seen her, she was smiling away and walking around like a healthy horse. Luckily, my mom and two aunts were able to drive her through St. George on their way back to her home in Orem, and I was able to see her one last time before she went. Our conversation was short, she could barely talk. I was letting her know how much I appreciate and love her when her words started jumbling together and she was not making sense. I let her talk, and she started saying "I love you" multiple times. At this point, I could not hold back my tears and I knew she would not want me to be sad, so I gave her as big of a hug as I could and kissed her on the head before saying "I love you" one last time.

I thought saying goodbye would be easy. She lived a long, happy life, it was her time to go. However, even today I am not sure that I have completely grasped the fact that grandma's chair at the farm will be absent of my grandma's happy smile. On Sunday, January 12, my beautiful Grandma Bunnell passed away. Her funeral was beautiful, and I could not have imagined it any other way. The weekend of seeing all of my family went by too fast.

I think of her all the time. When I am eating a croissant, cashews, Andes Mints, or various other snacks I think of her. She always had quite the selection of things to munch on every time we visited her. I made a grilled cheese sandwich the other day and remembered how Grandma would always put way too much cheese on the sandwiches she made, but my little sister and I would eat them anyway and tell her how good they were. Snow reminds me of times Grandma would wrap all the cousins up and send us outside to play in the fields of snow. Spring reminds me of when she would pick flowers in her garden and always have fresh ones to display in the kitchen. Warm summer weather reminds me of my cousin Loree and I asking if she thought the pond was warm enough to swim in, and her answer of, "Its probably way too cold!" Even though we would ask in the middle of July. Leaves remind me of the excitement of raking in front of her house and the fun of having the older cousins throw the younger ones into the massive piles we created.

I am going to miss the afternoons my mom and I sat outside with Grandma and helped her walk around to get some fresh air. I am going to miss the smile she had whenever she held one of the great grandkids. I am going to miss the smell of her lotion that lingered on all the scarves and quilts she made for the cousins and me. I could go on all day about all the little things Grandma did that I am going to miss, but what I am going to miss most of all is her unconditional love. Grandma would love anyone no matter what they did. She always welcomed us into her house with open arms and the biggest smile. I don't know if there is anything in this world that can beat Grandma's capacity to love everyone so fully. Grandma is by far my biggest role model, and I can only pray she knows that.

This one goes out to Luana Porter Bunnell, my beautiful, perfect, sweet grandma. I know she is in a better place now. Love you grandma, always have, always will.