dance it out.

Dancing was a huge part of my life for six years. In high school, after a tough day, going to dance with my girls at Encore made the bad day fade away. Not only did I dance at a studio with built choreography, I loved dancing even if it was spur of the moment. I was the typical girl who danced around in her room, singing into a hairbrush. I loved dancing with my best friend when we were killing time before going out for the night. I lived and breathed by the phrase "when in doubt, dance it out," and dancing was my remedy for any kind of struggle you could think of. I did not care what anyone thought, or if my dancing was actually terrible. I did it for me, and there was no such thing as a sad moment dancing.

Somewhere along the line, I lost that. Real life got to me and I stopped listening to music that made me want to dance. I stopped dancing around my room and going to college dances. I did not even realize how big of a change that was for me for a long time. Over the past few years, I have lost myself, found myself, and lost myself again and the cycle continues. I am not really sure of a lot of things about life right now but I am sure of one thing, whatever the problem is, dancing is the remedy.

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best take it out and teach it to dance."

- George Bernard Shaw

Even if it is just bouncing to the beat in your car or making the vacuum your dance partner while cleaning, dancing brings happiness. Sometimes we take life too seriously. We forget that everyone is going through the every day struggles that take their toll over time if we do not step back for a moment and let ourselves be happy. Happy with the fact that we even have the ability to dance in the first place. So next time you get the urge to dance, do not take it for granted. Get up and dance without caring what anyone thinks, and watch all your stresses of the day just fade away.

reflections.

This year has been one with tons of change. A year ago I really was not sure what 2012 would bring me, and there have been all sorts of adventures that I never expected. I never thought I would be the type of girl that writes blogs every month, but here I am; still going. Anyway, this year has brought so much joy, pain, happiness, and heartbreak; however, I would not take any of it back because of the strength it has helped me develop. Graduating from high-school and moving out have been the biggest highlights this year; which also brings me to the most important thing I have figured out over the course of 2012.

During high-school, I felt pretty unhappy a lot of the time and it took me a long while to figure out that the cause of my unhappiness was my inability to let things go. Even though moving out has been one of the hardest struggles I have had, I know it would have been harder had I not learned how to catch my breath and let it go.

So, overall this year the most important thing I have learned is to let things go. To let go of pain and heartbreak. To let go of the people in my life who only cause unhappiness. To let go of the past events that have caused me to fear certain things in the future. In letting go of the things that hurt, I have been able to find peace and the true meaning of home. I can not imagine how different things would have went this year if I had not learned about the sense of peace and home that is a result of letting go. Even though I am not very sure of what is going to happen in my life or where I am going to go in the year 2013, I do know for certain that I will always be able to find my way home by letting go of anything that counteracts that sense of peace.

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hold on to the past is holding you back from a new life."

recovery.

Recovery. The dictionary gives a few different definitions of the word:
1. the regaining of something lost or taken away
2. restoration or return to health from sickness
3. restoration or return to any former and better state of condition

Each definition is completely true; however, what the dictionary fails to define is how hard it is to actually recover from something. Recovery is something that every single person has to go through in their life; however, some roads to recovery may be harder than others, depending on what one is recovering from. No matter what a person is recovering from, the ultimate goal is to leave behind whatever it is/was that caused pain. First glancing at recovery, one might think it would be an easy road. This assumption is not true.

Recovery starts with understanding and recognizing that something needs to change. Coming to the realization that you deserve better than the life you are living at the moment takes a lot of courage for most people, because the majority of people have felt insignificant and "not worth it" at least once in their life. After realizing that one is "worth it" and deserving of happiness, motivation and determination to reach that happiness, follows. All of these realizations and gaining motivation are the easy part. Actually moving on is where most of us falter.

In order to fully recover, one must cut out everyone/everything that has caused them pain and/or unhappiness; or, move on. Letting go of people who you might have once thought you could count on is easier said than done, even if you know that all they do is cause pain now. However, it is completely necessary to fully recover. Moving on never becomes easier, no matter how many times you have to do it.

I have been recovering from a lot of things, and I have been happier as I have made the effort to release everything that causes me pain. Although the initial release is hard, it ends up being worth it. Sometimes it is hard to know which things/people are only hurting, and that is why moving on is so hard. The road to recovery is long, but always worth it; no matter what you need to recover from.

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hold on to the past is holding you back from a new life."

home.

Growing up, I never really considered the true meaning of home. To me, home was always just the house I lived in. I thought that when I left home, the new place I lived in would automatically become home. However, after I moved out I realized this way of thinking was not true at all. Home is not only where you live, but as the old saying goes, "where the heart is." Home is where one can feel completely at peace, or in other words, completely happy; regardless of what kind of situations are surrounding us.

Feeling at peace is something that every person in this world is striving to feel, and it is interesting to me that this feeling of peace is right in front of our noses; at home. I feel lucky to know that I have finally figured out what being home means to me.

Being home means being around those people who show me that they will always be there; no matter the distance. Home is being able to sit around and do nothing, but because I am with those people, that feeling of peace overwhelms me. Knowing that I will always have people that are my "constants," makes me know that I can always find my way back to them, back to this home. No matter where my life takes me, those people who make an effort to stay a part in my life will always be home to me, and I know that I am very lucky to have this. No matter how hard it is to be away from my physical home, I know I will always have a place in their hearts; a place at home. My only hope is that they can see the place that they will always hold in my heart as well; home.

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."

high on summer time.

Summer; the time of year when cares are reduced to a minimum, friendships grow stronger, and memories are made. It is a time when we can be rejuvenated from a year in school, business, etc. We get enough sun and fresh air to last for the upcoming year, and most importantly we strengthen the relationships that matter the most to us. 

I have always loved summer and everything about it. I guess you could say I get a little "high on summer time." Everything about it makes me smile. Sleeping in until noon, waking up early to go to the lake, staying out late with the best friends (sometimes doing nothing at all), the "heart to hearts" I have with those who are closest to me, never having my days go as planned, and of course laying out to get that perfect tan. Every summer is memorable. Each one has different memories that I will cherish forever. Trips that I went on, friends that I made/lost, and the inside jokes that still make me laugh. However, although it is not quite over yet, this summer has already had it's moment of impact on me.

This summer is the last summer before I move out on my own. That, in and of itself is something that I will remember for the rest of my life, as well as all of the mixed emotions that are coming with it. Excitement, fear, joy, and bitter-sweetness. Most of all though, this summer has been so memorable because of the people. There is nothing better than realizing who is truly there for me, who I know I can count on no matter what. Hearing someone say, I love you, and truly meaning it, will always bring a smile to my face and gratefulness in my heart no matter who says it. Especially because it has been a long time since I have let myself get close enough to people to cause them or myself feel that way in the first place. I have always been such a guarded person, and I still am. However, in a process of "healing," so to speak, it has been a struggle to let people in and love/be loved.

& so, these friendships and exchanged love have been what has caused a moment of impact this summer. These experiences have made my last summer at home memorable. I can not imagine where I would be in my life without these people and the memories that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I can only hope that I will never forget the influence love can have on other people and me, and bring this feeling with me wherever I go.

tears of happiness.

As human beings, we search for happiness everywhere. Sometimes it takes a moment of impact to bring out that happiness, and the biggest moment of impact for my last year of high school, brought on the tears of happiness. This moment of impact started with a simple goal. A goal that when glanced at, seemed impossible at first. A goal that pushed me to my limits, and sometimes made me want to give up on it altogether. As I achieved this goal, the rewards were small. But on my journey toward fully completing this goal, I made a decision. My decision was that if accomplishing this goal brought success, all of the frustrations would be worth it. I never knew how completely wrong I could be.

Not only was the achievement of this goal worth it, but this achievement helped me see exactly what I could do if I set my mind to it. It showed me that the possibilities of my progression and success, are truly achievable. It showed me that no matter what I want to accomplish in my life, it is possible.

Today, I won the award of "Who's Who in FBLA" at my very last FBLA spring conference. The awards were announced from the lowest ranking of the top ten, to the highest. As names started being called, I could feel my success getting closer. Although the reading of the names and passing out of certificates probably only lasted for 3 minutes, my heart beat was beating 100 miles per hour, and the wait between each name felt as though it was taking an hour. Soon, only the top two were left on the stage, and I was one of them. In my brain, I convinced myself that my name would be read next, and that the person standing next to me would take first. And then, something I thought might never happen... the name was called, and... it wasn't mine. I was the last person remaining on the stage.

In my mind, the actions I took occurred in slow motion. The moment I realized that I had won, my hands flew up to my face. I could feel a burning behind my eyes, and I knew the tears were coming. "With outstanding performance in the Who's Who in FBLA competition, Maya Hoyt, will represent Utah at the National Leadership Conference." My state adviser was holding my certificate and trophy, and as we hugged on stage I thought I might explode with happiness. I walked off the stage and straight into the arms of the state officers that I have grown to love and adore over the past year. Tears were falling harder, but they were tears of happiness.

Never have I ever, cried because I was feeling so happy. All the work I have put in to accomplishing my goal of receiving this award paid off. The feeling I felt on that stage today was by far, the best feeling I have ever had in my life so far. The feeling of knowing that my efforts can and will make a difference, brings strength back to me that I thought I had lost. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would break off from the norm, prove every single person who ever told me I couldn't do something, wrong (including myself). Today, that promise was renewed and kept, and I can not wait to see the next moment of impact that will happen in my life.

moments of impact.

Because of the buzz of the release of "The Vow," I ended up watching the movie twice with different sets of friends. Something that really stuck out to me about that movie was Leo's theory:

"My theory is about moments, moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known. And it’s these moments that become our history. Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again."

As various events and experiences have been unfolding in my life, my mind keeps wandering to this theory of moments of impact. These moments appear in many different forms. They bring happiness, sadness, laughter, and satisfaction. The outcome of these moments is not easily predicted, and even when we think we know the outcome, the moment turns in a direction we never expected. A direction that, in the end, shows us a little bit more of the craziness that is life.

Recently, my moment of impact has been about small successes. Successes that are so satisfying, that even after a thousand fails, these little successes make everything completely worth it. Giving something/someone everything you have to give, and not seeing results becomes frustrating and heartbreaking; sometimes makes it hard to see a point in trying any longer. But then, when we least expect it, there is a breakthrough, a moment of impact. A moment that brings a realization that is just enough to keep trying. To keep giving everything your very best shot, even if it means failure.

These small moments, breakthroughs, bring the greatest joy. The little moments that many people overlook because we focus too much on the big things. There is no greater pleasure in my life than knowing that giving my very best can/will bring those small successes, those moments of impact.

"Life doesn't reciprocate. Everything is out of balance, and that's what makes it so stable and yet, so unstable at the same time. It isn't important what the world gives and does to you. What matters is what you do in return."