rash judgments.

"People will question all the good things they hear about you, but believe all the bad without a second thought."

For a long time, I have been thinking about how many harsh words are said to each other every day, and while I have been having these thoughts I have noticed that one element is prominent in many of the harsh words we say, and that one element is judgement. So, what exactly is judgement? Judgement is defined as: the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind. While this judgement can be used for good to keep ourselves from harmful situations and to make sound decisions, the judgement of other people is not used for good and has started to get out of hand. 

Why are we so quick to judge others and say hurtful things even when we do not know the full story? Why are we so quick to believe the bad things about people without a second thought, but refuse to believe when something good is said? The fact that I (and I am sure many others) have reached a point where the negatives are so prominently focused on is very upsetting. Everywhere I go, something negative is said about other people. I can not say that I am innocent of doing this, but as I have been figuring things out on my own, I have realized that all this negativity needs to be stopped. Not only have I been judged myself, but I have also said things that I should not have.

Everyone hates the feeling of being judged. We all become frustrated and hurt when rash judgments are directed toward us, so why do we still do to other people ourselves? Saying derogatory comments towards other does not make me feel better about myself, and I can not imagine that it makes anyone else feel better about themselves either. I have always believed that there is no way to completely know someone. Although there may be people you know very well, there is still not a possible way to know their exact thinking processes and why they do the things they do. More often than not, first impressions and first judgments of people are proved wrong anyway.

Even if we do not agree with the things other people say or do, the least we can do is respect their thoughts and decisions. Instead of forming and opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion based on the outward appearances that we see, why can't we just understand that all people have a reason behind what they do? Maybe if we could understand that fact, rash judgments would not be passed as often as they are. Maybe one day we will start to believe the good things that are said toward/about each other and deny the bad, rather than second guessing anything positive. 

Not all scars show. Not all wounds heal. Not all illness can be seen. Not all pain is obvious. Remember that before passing judgement on another.

words, words, words.

From the time I was little, I have always been told that "if I don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," and the majority of people I know also know this phrase by heart. However, every day this general phrase is broken, even by the people who know how powerful words can be. People throw out new ideas and the idea is immediately shot down because of one flaw that someone did not like. Saying something out of the norm automatically makes you a "weirdo." Liking something that the majority does not will inevitably turn you into an "outcast." Standing up for rights that most of society does not agree with makes you "ignorant." The long-time childhood rule of "don't say anything at all" is broken every single day, and has reached the point where most of us do not even notice how much others are put down. As a result, finding someone who has been told about a different rule is less common.

"Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone." 

-Taylor Swift

Because of the fear of being put down by everyone else, we have forgotten how important letting our voices be heard is. Not many people have heard this rule, or if they have, the rule has simply been pushed aside. Maybe we have forgotten about the rule of making our voice be heard because we believe that "rules are meant to be broken," which is also why we put others' voices down so much. I have forgotten about this rule myself, and now is always a good time to change that.

No more holding back, no more biting my tongue, and no more fear of being put down or losing my pride. Being fearful of asking for help, apologizing, or expressing emotions is no longer an option. Any time is a perfect time to say "I'm sorry" or "I love you." Any time is a perfect time to stand up for someone that is being put down. Any time is a perfect time to let someone know you care. Most importantly, any time is a perfect time to build someone up with your words. Forget about the people who will put you down for saying something meaningful. Forget about being made fun of or becoming the "laughing stock," because one day we will not be able to say everything we needed to say, and that feeling alone will be more hurtful than any negative comment or action someone can throw at you.

"What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest." 

-Taylor Swift

stepping forward.

This time last year, I knew exactly what I wanted. I had goals, ambitions, and a clear direction of where I was going. Over the last few months, remembering what that feeling felt like has been nearly impossible, not to mention I have not even been sure of what I want. Making a trip home always seems to help me clear my head and figure some things out. I am lucky to have friends that remind me of the potential I have, and the person that I am when I am with them.

Something that has been very unsettling to me is the fact that I do not even feel like myself in the town away from home. Because of this, I have finally found a reason to step forward and make a goal. For the first time in a while, I actually want something. I want to be able to be the happy, silly, sarcastic girl that is not afraid to be a friend and speak what is on my mind. I feel like I have not been able to be that way since the day I moved to St. George. I think I have been scared to because I know that nothing could possibly replace the friends and relationships I have back home, and it has just taken some time to realize that they are always going to be there whether I meet new people I can be myself with or not. So, here goes the first goal I have had in a long time: to be the strong, happy girl I was able to be before I left, and to move out of this rut I have dug myself into.

Live the life you want to live. Be the person you want to remember. Make decisions, make mistakes. & if you fall, at least you tried.

control.

Having control over our lives is something that everyone always seeks for. When we find it everything goes great, but when we lose it all hell breaks lose. As a person, we love to have self expression or self control. When we feel as though either one of these are lost, feeling trapped or lost are prominent feelings that take over. The feeling is almost as though we have lost our sense of direction, our sense of motivation. If there is no control in our lives, everything seems to put itself on hold. Lately, my life has felt out of control and out of my element.

Making the adjustment from knowing exactly where I would be a year from now, and knowing exactly what I will be working for, to not having a clue has been one of the hardest things ever. I felt that way last year when I was deciding where to attend college, and that feeling has seemed to sneak back in. I feel no control over my life, especially while being on the search for a job again. Most days I have no clue why I am even going to college right now, other than for the fact that I can not answer the question, "What would you be doing if you were not in college?" Most people at least have an idea of what kind of career they would like to have in the future, which gives at least a small sense of direction. Personally, I literally have no idea where my life is going or where to take it. Parents and friends will say, "You're young, you have your whole life to decide." However, I feel that is not a viable statement. The cost of college has gone up too high to change majors three times, and right now I feel as though I am sending mine and my parents' time and money down the tubes. Staying attentive in class is a bigger struggle than ever, and my classes are not even very challenging this semester.

No direction, no motivation, and no close friends down here to help keep me on my feet like they did back home. Already want to get out of this town and try something else, except it feels like there is not a way to move on and work through this rut when it seems like there is nothing to move on to. Crazy how not having a sense of control over my life can basically change my outlook on a lot of things. My level of caring has reached an all time low, and if I am ever stressed I can credit it to the lack of being in control. My motivation for wanting to make friends in this town and become involved with this school has dropped to a level I did not think was possible. Stress from school is non-existent, and stress from feeling so out of control replaces that. Maybe one day I will find that control again, but as of right now I do not even care enough to look for it. So, I am working through one day at a time. At the moment that seems to be all there is that is left to do, and hopefully I will be able to see the benefit in all of this (eventually).

searching for the best.

Everyone has heard the old phrase "you always want what you can't have." This phrase is very common; however, most of the time we do not give very much thought to it. Over the past few months, I have realized how true this statement is. Whether one wants a better job, a better car, a better place to live, and even better friendships and relationships; it has become clear to me that this phrase can be applied in almost any situation. I have always wondered why, as people, we always want what we can't have. Why is it that we never want what is right in front of us, but rather something more? Maybe the thought of settling is what freaks us out.

Picking something and sticking to it can be scary, especially if one realizes later that they could have had something better. It seems like we are constantly saying we have to take risks and jump into something else; however, maybe we have never really considered that sticking with something could be considered taking a risk. Because of that constant fight for the best, we sometimes throw away the very thing that was actually the best for us, and there is a huge difference from what I think is "best" and what even my closest friends think is "best." And I think this constant search for the best is a part of what causes us to always want what we can't have, which also causes a sense of unhappiness.

Recently, I have realized that I threw away some things that were the best for me. At the time, I did not realize this because of my search for the best. I have finally started to understand that those who are satisfied with what they have when they have it, are the happiest people alive. I hope that I can one day figure out how to stop constantly wishing for more, and appreciate what I have sitting right in front of me.

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need."

reflections.

This year has been one with tons of change. A year ago I really was not sure what 2012 would bring me, and there have been all sorts of adventures that I never expected. I never thought I would be the type of girl that writes blogs every month, but here I am; still going. Anyway, this year has brought so much joy, pain, happiness, and heartbreak; however, I would not take any of it back because of the strength it has helped me develop. Graduating from high-school and moving out have been the biggest highlights this year; which also brings me to the most important thing I have figured out over the course of 2012.

During high-school, I felt pretty unhappy a lot of the time and it took me a long while to figure out that the cause of my unhappiness was my inability to let things go. Even though moving out has been one of the hardest struggles I have had, I know it would have been harder had I not learned how to catch my breath and let it go.

So, overall this year the most important thing I have learned is to let things go. To let go of pain and heartbreak. To let go of the people in my life who only cause unhappiness. To let go of the past events that have caused me to fear certain things in the future. In letting go of the things that hurt, I have been able to find peace and the true meaning of home. I can not imagine how different things would have went this year if I had not learned about the sense of peace and home that is a result of letting go. Even though I am not very sure of what is going to happen in my life or where I am going to go in the year 2013, I do know for certain that I will always be able to find my way home by letting go of anything that counteracts that sense of peace.

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hold on to the past is holding you back from a new life."

moments of impact: 2012.

This list is a small compilation of moments of impact that happened this year. I tried to write all of them out, but ended up deciding on a few that meant the most to me.

• Became a legal adult :)
• Had the perfect 18th birthday weekend with my best friend
• Pierced my ears for the first time
• Organized an FBLA activity for a region of 100+ high-school students
• Started this blog
• Took runner-up as a Business Sterling Scholar with a close friend
• Went to my fourth and final FBLA State Competition & became the 2012 "Who's Who in FBLA"
• Developed senior-itis
• Went solo to my senior prom
• Performed in my last dance recital with my first solo and a senior trio
• Graduated with the Class of 2012 :)
• Went to FBLA Nationals for a final time in San Antonio
• Visited the town of Blanding for Wheeler's mission farewell
• Spent my last bits of a carefree summer with my favorite people
• Started packing for college (Dixie State in St. George)
• Moved into my apartment; scared out of my mind
• Got my first official job
• Started my first semester of college
• Made a couple new friends
• Lost a couple of friends
• Realized the true meaning of "home"
• Developed a stronger relationship with my parents
• Got my ears pierced for a second time
• Worked for 35+ hours for three weeks straight with a full class schedule
• Quit my job
• Started thinking about transferring schools for next fall
• Made it through finals week
• Came home for the holidays
• Hung out with friends and family; almost made it seem like I never left
• Had a hilarious Christmas cause no one knows what to get each other anymore; which made us all laugh
• Visited my best friend for the first time since August
• Submitted an application to Utah Valley University

time flies.

Remember the good 'ol days when we always said, I can't wait to grow up? Seems like just yesterday there was not a care in the world besides when we would get to play with our best friends again or what toys we were getting for Christmas. If only we had known what growing up was really like, we might not have been so eager to be a big girl/boy.

At least for me, the time to grow up and live on my own always seemed so far off in the distance. However, once it started getting closer, the reality of having to move on hit me when I finally realized I was not as ready to grow up as I always thought. Regardless, continuing on through change and challenges is inevitable and part of human nature. As I have made the adjustment to move away from my family, my small hometown, and the friends who carried me through everything, I have realized one important thing. Time is unstoppable.

"Time is free, but it is priceless. You can not own it, but you can use it. You can not keep it, but you can spend it. & once you have lost it you can never get it back."

The most important thing is how you spend your time, and fill as much time as possible with memories that are unforgettable. Everyone always wants to know how to make time slow down or how to stop aging. & I have found that the secret to these questions is to simply live in every moment. Age is only a number, and one only becomes old when they stop acting like they are young. Seeing as we are nearing the time to make new year's resolutions, this is mine: to stop worrying so much about the past, and to stop pondering for so long over the future. Because time flies way too fast to not stop and simply enjoy today.