flaws.

Everyone seems to be in love with the idea of having someone love them, flaws and all. However, lately I have noticed that the norm is not seeing past others' flaws, but rather to point them out and use them as ammunition to make ourselves feel better about our own flaws. Flaws are the only thing that anyone seems to notice. No one wants to hear about the accomplishments of others anymore. People do not take the time to see what makes a person great, we would all rather figure out what makes a person not so great. This thought process is a sickening phase that needs to stop. 

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."

- Martin Luther King Jr.

I do not think very many people realize how much of a difference saying, "Wow, you did a really good job with that" makes in someone's day. We have been programmed to think that good results will come from criticizing each other and pointing out the flaws, rather than focusing on the positive aspects. This concept is so simple that many people have probably been familiar with it since they were kids. Positive results will not come from negative feedback. We have forgotten the simple fact that everyone has flaws, ourselves included. For some reason, so many people seem to have the thought that if we point out everyone else's mistakes and hardships, our own problems will fly out the door. I do not even know how many times a day I see people being criticized for the smallest flaws, while their large accomplishments go completely unnoticed.

No wonder everyone is so exhausted. No wonder motivation is lost. No wonder nothing in school and work places is ever exemplary. We have lost our eye for the good that people produce every day. The focus on flaws takes away the appearance of so many better things that we should be focusing on.

My day is so much more productive and so much better when I have at least one person who appreciates the work and dedication that people have every day. They say that "we are our own, worst critics." Since that is the case, imagine how hard accepting your own flaws becomes, when many of the messages we get from others are all about flaws. I know my flaws were so much easier for me to overcome when positive words from others were more prominent. 

If everyone wants others to love them, flaws and all, how can anyone expect this when the main focus is on flaws to begin with?

rash judgments.

"People will question all the good things they hear about you, but believe all the bad without a second thought."

For a long time, I have been thinking about how many harsh words are said to each other every day, and while I have been having these thoughts I have noticed that one element is prominent in many of the harsh words we say, and that one element is judgement. So, what exactly is judgement? Judgement is defined as: the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind. While this judgement can be used for good to keep ourselves from harmful situations and to make sound decisions, the judgement of other people is not used for good and has started to get out of hand. 

Why are we so quick to judge others and say hurtful things even when we do not know the full story? Why are we so quick to believe the bad things about people without a second thought, but refuse to believe when something good is said? The fact that I (and I am sure many others) have reached a point where the negatives are so prominently focused on is very upsetting. Everywhere I go, something negative is said about other people. I can not say that I am innocent of doing this, but as I have been figuring things out on my own, I have realized that all this negativity needs to be stopped. Not only have I been judged myself, but I have also said things that I should not have.

Everyone hates the feeling of being judged. We all become frustrated and hurt when rash judgments are directed toward us, so why do we still do to other people ourselves? Saying derogatory comments towards other does not make me feel better about myself, and I can not imagine that it makes anyone else feel better about themselves either. I have always believed that there is no way to completely know someone. Although there may be people you know very well, there is still not a possible way to know their exact thinking processes and why they do the things they do. More often than not, first impressions and first judgments of people are proved wrong anyway.

Even if we do not agree with the things other people say or do, the least we can do is respect their thoughts and decisions. Instead of forming and opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion based on the outward appearances that we see, why can't we just understand that all people have a reason behind what they do? Maybe if we could understand that fact, rash judgments would not be passed as often as they are. Maybe one day we will start to believe the good things that are said toward/about each other and deny the bad, rather than second guessing anything positive. 

Not all scars show. Not all wounds heal. Not all illness can be seen. Not all pain is obvious. Remember that before passing judgement on another.

first impressions.

This is just a letter I wrote to someone that was feeling down about things people were saying about them. Sometimes people don't realize what kind of an effect words can have on others, and I hate to see people feeling bad about the things we, as human beings, say without thinking.

"First impressions can mean everything, but they can also have no meaning at all. People formulate full opinions of someone without knowing them at all. I'm not saying I'm exempt from this because we all do it. What I want you to know is that these first impressions should not bring you down. Words can be harsh, but just remember that no matter what people say about you, they don't truly know what kind of a person you are.

They will never know unless they take the time to figure it out and get to know you themselves. If the opportunity arises and they do get to know you and decide they don't like you, do not let it bring you down. If your personality is not one that they normally get along with and they don't want to take the time to try, then it becomes their problem, not yours.

Accept yourself, and always be yourself, and I promise it will take you farther in life than the judgements people make."